What Does Being Authentic Really Mean to You?
I was reading about character vs. characterization in novel
writing, and this led me to contemplate what it means to be authentic.
When writers craft a novel, they need characters and need to develop the
characters in a way that makes them feel real to readers. This means
the writers have to know as much about the characters as possible, from
eye color to habits to prime motivation in life. This is called
characterization. Character is what is demonstrated when a character in a
novel faces a challenge-shows their true colors, as the saying goes.
It's the stuff they're made of, when push comes to shove. It's the same
for us.
It's fairly easy to create a characterization, a
presentation, of ourselves for others to see and believe: we can let
them see whatever we prefer they see. With others, we can pay attention
to what they say and do, and even what we intuit about them when we're
with them, which gives us more information beyond what we see. But all
of this leads to the question: what is authenticity really about?
What
if it's really about how you feel about yourself, rather than what you
say or do, or how you look? After all, any of us can at anytime say and
do things that don't feel authentic to us but we believe is what is
expected of us, or dress a certain way, whether it feels natural or not.
Do you believe that to be truly authentic, you have to spill every bean
about yourself to everyone? Can you keep anything private or be
discerning about who you share what with and still be authentic?
As
I pondered these questions, I thought about the fact that the world is
peopled with introverts and extroverts. People have traits of both, but
in their individual quantities. Carolyn Gregoire wrote the following in
an article for The Huffington Post: "As recently as 2010, the American
Psychiatric Association even considered classifying "introverted
personality" as a disorder by listing it in the Diagnostic and
Statistical Manual (DSM-5), a manual used to diagnose mental illness.
But more and more introverts are speaking out about what it really means
to be a 'quiet' type."
I admit that for a long time I believed
that outgoing people (extroverts) were demonstrating the one and only
way to be authentic; so, because I'm a more quiet type (80% introvert,
according to an online test I took), I judged myself as not being as
authentic as someone who says, or seems to say, whatever they feel like
saying about anything, and to anyone, at any time. To all you introverts
out there, if you've been feeling less authentic because you're a more
quiet type or because you feel a certain way and it clashes with what
some believe is more "normal" or authentic (or commercially viable)
behavior, you can relax and be yourself. You can gladly laugh at those
online poster images that say things like "Introverts unite--in your
separate homes." You get the joke better than anyone.
Gregoire
included a list of 23 signs of an introvert in her article, which I'm
going to share here as well as some comments about extroverts. Keep in
mind that some people you might call an extrovert may actually have a
bit or a good bit of introvert in them, just as introverts have a bit or
a good bit of extrovert in them. You may resonate more with some of
what's listed below than with others--we're all composites when it comes
to our personality. Here are the 23 signs (my comments are in
parentheses):
1. You find small talk incredibly cumbersome. (As an
introvert, I'll say that's putting it mildly. Too much small talk can
make introverts feel tired and annoyed-it's like static on a radio to
them. Introverts can and will engage in small talk, but it doesn't take
long for them to look for or wish for an exit. A number of aspects that
follow can all be tied back into this one. Extroverts, however, will
carry on conversations about anything and enjoy it well enough, if not a
lot.)
2. You go to parties -- but not to meet people.
(Introverts, when they do go to parties, go to see people they know, to
be with people who accept them as they are and they can be relaxed
around. If they do connect with a new person in a real way, they'll
enjoy it. Extroverts tend to be "the more the merrier" types.)
3.
You often feel alone in a crowd. (Introverts don't like crowds, or like
them in small doses. They have to mentally prepare themselves for
crowds. Again, extroverts tend to be "the more the merrier" types.)
4.
Networking makes you feel like a phony. (Introverts prefer deeper
conversations that lead to real connection. They know it may take a lot
of small talk first, to find someone who will engage in deeper
conversations (see No. 1). And, yet again, extroverts tend to be "the
more the merrier" types.)
5. You've been called "too intense."
(Introverts prefer deeper thoughts and conversations-they need them
because that's their nature. They'll engage in lighter conversations,
but only for so long. This doesn't mean extroverts don't enjoy deeper
conversations, but they don't fuel and feed many extroverts as they do
introverts.)
6. You're easily distracted. (This refers to an
introvert being in an overly-stimulating environment, which stifles
clear or deeper thought and engagement. Introverts may zone out in such
situations, in order to conserve energy. Extroverts are comfortable in
overly-stimulating environments; it fuels them.)
7. Downtime
doesn't feel unproductive to you. (Downtime is a necessity for
introverts. They need it to recharge their batteries and to stimulate
their creativity. A whole day alone with a good book or some other
downtime experience is like heaven to an introvert. Longer is even
better. Extroverts tend to thrive on stimulation that comes from others
and activities. They can take only so much alone time; introverts can
take only so much social engagement.)
8. Giving a talk in front of
500 people is less stressful than having to mingle with those people
afterwards. (For all the reasons listed above and below. Extroverts are
eager to mingle.)
9. When you get on the subway, you sit at the
end of the bench -- not in the middle. (Or prefer end or back seats
wherever you go-like in a theater, for fast getaways, if needed.
Extroverts like to be in the mix.)
10. You start to shut down
after you've been active for too long. (Introverts are often more
sprinter types than marathoners, activity-wise. Extroverts have a
different kind of energy reserve.)
11. You're in a relationship
with an extrovert. (Introverts like to sometimes ride the "waves" with
an extrovert. Notice I said "sometimes." That need for quiet, alone time
is always there-an introvert can actually feel or become unwell if they
don't get enough of this. Extroverts may or may not understand this
need, may or may not think it's a strange way to be. Life is for living,
is an extrovert's motto. The introvert lives life, just from a more
inward perspective.)
12. You'd rather be an expert at one thing
than try to do everything. (Introverts like to and need to focus. It's
more about how well they function and feel best than about what they do;
though, they need to feel aligned with what they do. Extroverts are
more outwardly adventurous. An experience, for its own sake, may be more
important than alignment with it, for an extrovert.)
13. You
actively avoid any shows that might involve audience participation.
(However if picked, an introvert might get into it, if the participation
is brief enough. An extrovert might deliberately attend such a
performance and even volunteer, vigorously.)
14. You screen all
your calls -- even from friends. (Sophia Dembling, author of "The
Introvert's Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World," said, "To me, a
ringing phone is like having somebody jump out of a closet and go
'BOO!'" Introverts prefer to be mentally and energetically ready for
phone calls (see No. 1). Plus, when deep in thought, which is often,
they don't respond well to being disturbed. Extroverts love to engage
anytime. It's stimulation that feeds them.)
15. You notice details
that others don't. (Unless an introvert is distracted by an
overly-stimulating environment, they notice details; and these can be
physical ones, but often are inner ones, like emotional dynamics.
Extroverts, like introverts, notice whatever they attune to, but it may
be more about what someone says than why they say it.)
16. You
have a constantly running inner monologue. (Introverts tend to prefer to
think before they speak; and as natural thinkers, they think and
process thoughts all the time. Extroverts are more comfortable with
speaking first and thinking about it later. They're also more
comfortable acting without thinking it through first. Both of these
aspects are something introverts sometimes wish they were comfortable
doing, but the fact is they aren't. Both of these are things extroverts
sometimes wish they hadn't done, but it's their nature.)
17. You
have low blood pressure. (A scientific study said introverts tend to
have lower BP than extroverts do. This makes sense, since introverts
look for deeper meanings and have all that quiet alone time to do it in.
Extroverts are out there, living on the edge, for the most part.
There's going to be a certain amount of stress in that way of living.)
18. You've been called an "old soul" -- since your 20s. (Again, introverts tend to prefer to think before they speak, which can seem like wisdom to others (sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't). Extroverts tend to be more in-the-moment types-the time is now, to speak and act, which is sometimes wise and sometimes isn't.)
19. You don't feel
"high" from your surroundings (Like, say, at big parties. Extroverts
respond to their environments differently than introverts-they align
with the energy, while introverts look for what and who they are in true
alignment with).
20.You look at the big picture. (Introverts tend
to be okay with details and facts, but can also engage abstract
concepts, as well. Some extroverts are, again, in-the-moment types.
What's happening in front of them is what's happening. Introverts tend
to look for the undercurrents and dynamics.)
21.You've been told
to "come out of your shell." (Introverts come out of their shells when
they feel like it, thank you. But they keep their shells close by.
Extroverts have shells, and sometimes they visit them.)
22.You're a
writer. (Some introverts find it easier to communicate through writing;
plus, all that time alone to think charges up their creativity. This
doesn't mean extroverts don't write, but the ones that do likely have
enough introvert in them to support this. Many extroverts would prefer
to speak than write. The alone-time it takes to write might be too much
for them. They may prefer to dictate their writings and have someone
else type them up.)
23.You alternate between phases of work and
solitude, and periods of social activity. (Too much activity can stress
and tire an introvert. They know how much socializing, work, and
downtime works for them. Some extroverts have to wear themselves out
before they realize it's time, or past time, for downtime.)
We
cannot all be the same, or some of us aren't needed. We need extroverts
to enliven life and moments and stimulate the energy so it doesn't go
stale. We need introverts to keep things real, to provide the bigger
picture, and to calm things down. Life is like a musical composition: We
need the notes (extroverts) and the rests between the notes
(introverts). If a composition is all rests, there's no music. If it's
all notes with no rests, there's no pause to breathe, and performers and
listeners alike will pass out or gasp for air. To those of you who are
extroverts, thank you for what you offer to the world and to introverts
who benefit from "just enough" excitement from time to time. To those of
you who are introverts, did you notice how many of the 23 are about
being authentic? So if you were comparing yourself to extroverts, as I
was, stop it. Both are authentic. Both are needed.
I think it's
more important that you feel authentic than "appear" authentic to others
so that you then perceive yourself as authentic. Authenticity comes
from within, never from outside of you. Who are you comfortable being in
your everyday life? Who are you--what is your true character or
nature--when you face challenges? It's okay to be who you are and it's
okay to discover who that is as life presents changes to and for you.
It's okay to share as much of your authentic self with others as you
feel comfortable with; but be sure to share it with yourself. Know
thyself. Love thyself. It's a good practice, one you'll appreciate.
Practice makes progress.
By Joyce Shafer
https://ezinearticles.com/?What-Does-Being-Authentic-Really-Mean-to-You?&id=8730722
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